Serial Flat Viewer

Flat hunting is just like dating. But 8 flats and a few weirdos later I think I’ve mastered the art.

Know what you’re looking for and get out quick if it’s not.

Of course when there’s a future flat mate questionnaire to fill out it would be rude not to partake.

Yes, no joke, this was mandatory including a self portrait. I was told I could write a haiku poem about myself instead if I preferred. Luckily I proved to have exceptional drawing ability. The questionnaire was a novel idea, but did they really need to know my deepest darkest secret?

At another flat I was subject to:
“She’s here, quick put on the song…” After an awkward wait Tic Tok by Ke$ha was played upon my entrance. That was for a call back.

Yes, flats do call back interviews these days. I undertook a 1/2 hour interrogation that delved into the psyche of what I was looking for in a flat and what type of flat mate I would be.

Probably a good thing we went there, as I’d confused liking the flat with actually just liking the ensuite. It’s important to know what your priorities are.

And intuition. Listen to it. When something screams NO there’s still that awkward moment where you wish you could excuse yourself immediately. I haven’t quite mastered this, and so I usually stay for the appropriate amount of time feigning mediocre conversation.

Like yesterday, sitting in a house that stunk of BO and cigarettes, listening to two guys explain that they don’t like drinking and please don’t judge them to being big stoners.

Clearly it comes down to doing better research beforehand. Facebook stalking should never be neglected.

And so while I’m still in search of a home, I feel all the wiser.

I should probably work on wit, haiku poetry and memorise a few of my favourite things.


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